Mother's Day Eve....

Well, here I am on the day before Mother's Day, 26 months since being logged in to get Micalee, and feeling very sorry for myself! And what's even more depressing is I can't be certain that this will be the last Mother's Day that I'm not a mommy! I'm hoping so, but not really convinced yet! The last month only covered 3 days of LID's (not good!) and the effect the Olympics may have is still unknown. I've been an emotional wreck this week! I watched P.S. I Love You last night and sobbed during the entire movie! My eyes are still red! It was probably good to let it all out, though. David has been super understanding and even left me roses and a Mother's Day ("to be") card this morning. Of course, I cried again! There's not much to say on when I think we'll get our referral, because I'm just not sure. I keep saying "this time next year", and it eventually has to be true. Only 57 days worth of LID behind the last referral group, but the end seems to be nowhere in sight! Happy Mother's Day to those who already have children at home and those whose children are only in their dreams and hearts!

25th LID Anniversary...

Well, nothing new to report. Still waiting and will be for a while longer! CCAA only referred 5 days worth of LID's this past month; not good! So, no speed up this month! Someone in our LID Forum on the RQ site calculated when referrals might potentially be, based on average days referred per month. Here are the potential referral dates based on our LID. If CCAA starts averaging 15 days per month (yeah, right!) then we would get our referral in July 2008; for 13 days/month, in August 2008; for 11 days/month, in Sept 2008; for 9 days/month, in Oct 2008; for 7 days/month (the average trend right now), in Dec 2008; for 5 days/month (like this month was!), in March 2009; and if only 3 days/month, in Nov 2009 (you get the idea)!!! We are only 60 days past the date that referrals have been made through. Sounds like we'd be getting SO close, but as you can see, every little day counts! I just keep waiting for some kind of speed up, but it hasn't happened! And no one is really sure how the Olympics (in Aug 2008) may affect things! Just more waiting to see what happens! On a good note, our Biggest Loser Family competition is going very well!!! In the first 3 months we (7 participants) have lost a combined weight of 155 pounds!!! That's a whole person! And so far, I'm in the lead!!! I'm hoping I can keep of losing and hold on to the lead (the competition is close!). I'm proud of all we've done, and we are all getting so much healthier! That's truly the best part of this competition! I'll keep everyone posted!

Happy (?!) 2-Year LID Anniversary to us!

Well, this is a milestone (see picture....pun intended!)! Our Dossier was officially logged in 2 years ago! WOW! We've been waiting a loooooong time! Four times as long as we originally thought this process would take (and still a good while is ahead of us). Alot has happened in the past 2 years; friends and family have had babies that are now toddlers, debts have been paid off and we've managed to build up a little savings(that's a good thing!), we're finally getting in shape (waited 'til the last minute!) and of course older (not so good!), and we have started and finished a wonderful nursery that just needs a little girl in it to make it really complete. But at the same time, everything seems to have been on hold for us. We're just waiting! Not sure what to do next. Are we actually close enough now to start checking out Day Care options and Pediatricians? Should we not schedule a 10th Anniversary Vacation because of the chance we may be getting our referral around that time? So we still just wait. Wait to see what the next batch of referral looks like; and then the next, and then to see how, if any, the Olympic will affect us, to see if we can judge when we may be getting our referral. When we can start actually planning and enjoying this process again. When we can finally have an idea to tell family and friends when they might be able to finally give us a baby shower. When we can get all the little last minute things we want to get for the Nursery. When we can start worrying about luggage and what we need to pack for a child who doesn't know us. When we can look at airline tickets and hotels in China. I'm so looking forward to being overwhelmed again, with all that we will need to do! I'm tired of just waiting! I want to be preparing again! I need to be preparing again! And I think that time is getting close. Even if we don't have Micalee home by Christmas (which of course would be the most wonderful thing ever if she was here!) , I think we'll know who she is and have picture of her by then! I think this is our year! I could be wrong, but I just feel it. So Happy LID Anniversary to us for all that we've endured in the past 2 years of waiting. All the questions we've tried to answer, when we really didn't know the answers (and still don't)!
Hopefully, we have alot less waiting ahead of us!

23 down.......? more to go! I just couldn't let the day go by without acknowledging our 23 month LID anniversary. Not something really to celebrate, other than the fact that we've kept our sanity for this long (or maybe not!). But that is 23 months behind us, and for every month behind us, that's one less in front of us! So, I guess it's not that bad of a thing! So for everyone else waiting along with us, we ARE getting closer and although it's very hard to even imagine anymore, this WILL happen!

As of the first of the year, David & I, along with 5 other family members are in a little friendly family "Biggest Loser" competition to see who can lose the biggest percentage of their body weight by the 4th of July. Our first month's numbers are in, and I am SO proud of all of us! We lost a combined weight of 86.6 pounds (between 7 participants)! Tracy & I lost the most (16 pounds each in only one month!), but Tracy had the biggest percentage ('cause I weigh alot more than she does!). Watch out, Tracy! I'll be working extra hard this month to take over the lead! Our reward, besides being healthier and thinner, is $700 (we each contributed $100 to the reward)! At this rate, we will all need the money to buy a new wardrobe!!! Keep it up, everybody!

22 months of waiting behind us!

Wow! I almost forgot to post our LIDiversary! Yesterday was officially our 22 month mark. That explains the funk I was in yesterday (that has continued into today)! I just thought I was hormonal, but I must have remembered way back in my brain what the 10th of the month symbolized; another month of waiting. Oh well, that's one month closer to finally seeing Micalee! It will happen, it will happen, IT WILL HAPPEN!!!! And we will continue to wait, as patiently as possible, until we do finally get the call and get to see a picture of the little girl we have been waiting for for so long! We've decided this will be the year to get ourselves in shape (finally!), so we can climb the Great Wall without needing a paramedic when we're done! We're doing pretty good so far, losing weight by eating healthier and exercising. Of coarse, it has helped by making it into a competition, our own version of the "Biggest Loser"! Watch out, Jeanie, you know how competitive I can be!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Happy 2008, everybody! We hope everyone has a wonderful, happy and healthy new year. We hope all of your hopes are fulfilled and all of your New Year's resolutions are realized. We hope those of you still waiting have their children home this year. Come on 2008, bring us Micalee!!!

This Christmas, I found myself with a new unexpected challenge. I "fostered" this cute little puppy for an entire month so that my nephew would have a big surprise from Santa on Christmas morning. I thought the challenge would be to feed, house train, and clean up after this little guy, but the real challenge was letting him go! It's amazing how attached I got in such a short time. I think he helped me get through most of the holiday season without thinking too much about not having Micalee here; he just kept me too busy and helped fill that empty space in my heart. But now that he's gone from our home, that emptiness is back, stronger than ever before! It also made me realize what Micalee's birth mother will be going through, and yes I know there's a big difference between a puppy and a baby, and maybe I shouldn't compare the two, but it did make me think of the pain she will be experiencing (and on such a larger scale). I have never cried so hard as when I had to leave this little guy on at my sister's doorstep. My heart was breaking. Maybe I'm just too emotional! At least I can see this puppy grow, and I know he's happy and loved in his new home. She'll always just wonder, but never know for sure. I know I'll always be grateful to her for her ultimate sacrifice.

21 Months and counting...

Blackjack?! Well, it is now officially (as of yesterday) 21 months since our LID for Micalee! How many more to go?! Well, if I knew that, things would be alot easier! Will she be home, or will we at least have a picture of her, by NEXT Christmas!? The way things are looking now, the answer is no, but I'm still holding on to hope that things in China will speed up, and we'll have her home in 2008! If you look at numbers, only, it doesn't look to hopeful. But the thing is, there was a time when the wait got up to 18 months (and yes, we're way beyond that now!), and then things starting speeding up and got back down to 6 months, so anything is possible. So for now, we're just concentrating on having the best Christmas possible, knowing that it's another one without our little girl home with us. But we have the best, most supportive family, and we know we'll have a very special Christmas, and we know that we will eventually have our little girl here to help us celebrate the holidays and enjoy all the little things that go along with them!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Today, and everyday, I am thankful for my family: from the family I was born into, to the family I chose. I am thankful for getting the opportunity to complete my family through adoption. I am thankful for the love and support we have received from family and friends during this unexpected growing wait. I am thankful for how open everyone has been to accept Micalee into our family, with no reservations. (You'd be surprised by what some folk's family members say to them!) I'm thankful for my Millie and Harmo, who show such unconditional love. I am truly thankful the most wonderful, loving husband that anyone could have ever asked for! I never doubt that I am loved! Especially with all the little things he does for me: warming up my truck and leaving a mug of hot chocolate on cold days; washing my hair for me after I had a wreck and was too sore to lift my arms; holding my hair back when I throw up; coming home early from an always sacred fishing trip, just because I felt sad that day! The list goes on and on...and will never be forgotten!

Anniversary Vacation...

Well, it took us until the very last minute to decide what to do on our Anniversary (9th year!) off this year. We thought we'd just end up staying at home and working on projects around the house, but after I won a little friendly fishing competition (I'm sure David will eventually post the huge, nearly 6 pound bass I caught!), I chose to go to Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas. We spent two nights in two different cabins because we made last minute reservations (the day before we left!) for one night, and then were lucky to have a cancellation and get to stay a 2nd night! It was SO beautiful! We love the Arkansas State Park system, and I've always wanted to check out Petit Jean! WOW! We had the best time hiking! This picture is from the most "strenuous" trail. It was only 2 miles, but the beginning took us down 200 feet into the canyon. That wasn't too bad, but coming back up?!?! OMG!!! It just reminded us how out of shape we are! But it was all worth it! Even though Cedar Falls was down to a "trickle", it was still unbelievable! I can't imagine it when it's in full force! It must be deafening in that canyon! The water fall is pictured behind us (it's about 90 feet high). Pictures don't to it, or the rest of the park, justice. The trip, overall, was somewhat rejuvenating and helped to restore my spirit! The Cedar Falls hike, to me, reflected our adoption. It seemed to take forever to reach to Falls, and the climb back up was painful to say the least, but it all so very much worth it! And to top it all off, we were sitting on a bench, trying to catch our breath after the climb back out of the canyon, just enjoying the amazing view, and suddenly a family with two little Asian girls walked onto the bluff. It was as if God himself was trying to tell us something. Just hang on, it will happen! The next night, I unfolded a blanket from the cabin and found a red thread. Just more verification that this will eventually happen. I can't wait to be able to share these kind of places with Micalee. These mountains and streams just fill me with a peace and calm! Kinda like my latest mantra I've been reciting in my head anytime I start feeling overwhelmed by this slowing adoption process, or anything else in my life: Courage, Faith, Patience, Peace.

Another month of waiting is behind us...
Happy 20th month LIDversary to us! It's totally unbelievable how long this wait has grown! I can't believe I've lasted this long, and in someways, maybe I haven't! But, we've come WAY too far to give up now. There's nothing to do but wait, and we are becoming the world's foremost expert in that! I'm trying to remain positive and say these will be the last holidays without Micalee, but honestly, I'm not so sure! I would have never dreamed she wouldn't be home by Christmas 2008, but here we are! Who knows what the future holds!?! I do know that we will be digging deep inside to keep up the Christmas spirit this year. I want to be able to enjoy the holidays, but I know Micalee will be on my mind. Just how many more Thanksgivings, Christmases, New Years, Easters, Mother's & Father's Days.....you get the idea....without our little girl?! Will 2008 be our year!? The number 8 in considered lucky in China, and Jeanie, that's your lucky number, too, so maybe so! Come on 2008....bring Micalee home! Hurry before we get any older, and she has to change our diapers as soon as she is out of them herself!